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What is a Eulogy?

A eulogy is a speech given at a funeral that pays tribute to the person who has died. It typically tells the story of their life, shares fond memories, and says something meaningful about the legacy they’re leaving behind.
That said, no two eulogies are alike. After all, no two people are alike. While we can guide you on what to say in a eulogy, the result should be personal and special to the person who has died.

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Who gives a eulogy at a funeral?

There are no rules on who can give a eulogy and who can’t. But it’s usually someone who was very important to the person who died. A spouse, a child or a close friend, for example.
The eulogy can also be given by a vicar or a celebrant They will talk to the friends and family of the person who died to find out what to say. If you’re writing a eulogy but find it too painful to deliver, they can do it for you.

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How long does a eulogy have to be?

Eulogies are typically around 600-650 words and take 5-7 minutes to deliver. 
They can be shorter (450) or longer (up to 1,000) depending on how much time you have to speak. Remember, there may be other people giving speeches or readings at the funeral. And giving a eulogy takes an emotional toll, too. It can be hard to hold it together for a very long speech.

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How To write a Eulogy

Do your research

Don’t go it alone! Get help writing the eulogy from other people who were close to the person who has died. Here are some things you might want to find out:

• Their date of birth, and where they were born
• Where they went to school, college or university
• How they met their partner, where and when they got married (if applicable)
• Where they worked, and when
• When their children were born, number of grandchildren (if applicable)
• Achievements the person who died might have liked you to mention
• Any hobbies, passions, charity work or club memberships
• The names of their close family members

As well as a biography, a eulogy should give a sense of a person’s character. It can be very rewarding to ask friends and family things like:

• What’s your best memory of [the person who has died]?
• What words would you use to describe them?
• Did they have any nicknames? How did they earn them?
• What were their favourite music, books, TV shows, poems or plays?
• What were they like to work with/live with/study with?
• Did they have any favourite sayings, favourite stories to tell?

Get a second opinion

Give the eulogy to someone else who was close to the person who has died, and get their feedback. This gives you a chance to practice more and get over any self-consciousness. They can also help you fact-check: are all those names and dates correct?

Brainstorm ideas

Gather together all your notes, memories and thoughts and try to organise them. You could try:

• Creating a timeline of the person’s life, including events and anecdotes from each period
• Making a big spider diagram of words to describe them
• Writing down the first thing that comes to mind
• Making a scrapbook of everything you’ve learned, with photos, quotes, stories and drawings

Now think. Which events are most important to mention, and which can you leave out? What are the best anecdotes? What do the stories about the person who has died have in common? Is there a theme emerging? Finding a theme can help a lot when you’re working out how to end a eulogy.
Eventually, you’ll be able to pick out the key things you want to say. 

Read your draft aloud, then edit

Leave your eulogy draft alone for a bit, if you can. Then, come back and read it through. Give it an edit. Now try reading it aloud, timing yourself. This gives you a few advantages:

• Find out if it flows okay. Sometimes, things that look normal when you write them down sound stilted when you say them out loud. Comb out long sentences, complicated words and language that sounds too formal (or chatty).
• Practice your delivery. Find out the best moments to pause and look around you. Pace yourself, so that you’re not speaking too quickly.
• Get used to giving your speech. Delivering a eulogy can be very emotional. Practicing takes some of the sting away, so that you’re less likely to break down at the funeral.